My Grandma

My Grandma has passed away…

It wasn’t unexpected. We all knew it was coming. It seems like for the past three years now we have all known it could be any time. Every year we thought this could be her last Christmas or birthday so we need to make sure we spend time with her. And then another Christmas would come. And you would see her so full of joy and life and wonder if all of the diagnosis were really true. She was way, way up in the years. She lived a full life with an amazing amount of loved ones around her. So it isn’t a tragic death…and yet it is.
It is tragic because she was that one person in our family. Everybody has that one special person in their family that is kind of like a lightening rod in a way, attracting everybody to them. The one person that everyone is really looking forward to seeing and that one person that really makes you feel loved. She was ours. She was our glue. I have so many great memories of my Grandma. Especially those memories of getting in trouble with my cousins at her house. I remember that she always had Oreos and peppermints on the counter. It was such a special treat and I think that is where I got my preference for grasshopper flavored ice cream and candy. But I think the most special things that I will hold onto about my Grandma is the way she greeted me each and every time she saw me. She always stood up to greet me. No matter what was happening around her,and there was usually a whole gaggle of family and friends around her, as soon as she noticed me she would stand and give me the biggest hug. She would look me straight in the eyes and tell me how beautiful I was. And even on my worst days, when it came from her I believed it. She added the last part after we moved back from England. When I lived there for five years, I had an amazing support structure of friends and what I consider adopted family and I have very fond memories of the holidays that I spent with them there. But without fail every time that I would call home on a special occasion to talk to my family and hear everybody in the background, I got a little sad. I tried to hold back, but sometimes I would be wishing them a Merry Christmas through tears. I don’t think my grandma ever forgot that because after she would tell me how beautiful I was, she would tell me how happy she was that I was home. I will never forget the love that I felt from just those simple things.
It seems that I am fine one minute and the next I am a ball of tears.I didn’t think it would hurt this much. But I am not hurt for her. In fact, I have always believed and still do that if there was anyone that would be in heaven when they died it would be her. And I am not upset because she suffered or had a hard life. She died in her sleep, in her own bed, in her own home, with family beside her. No one could ask God for more of a blessing. She had a life full of joy, always with a song on her heart and on her lips. She laughed at herself more than she did anyone else and always rooted for the underdog. I don’t think I ever heard her raise her voice, although my dad assures me otherwise. I recently learned as we were looking through pictures that when she was young, she would roller skate everywhere. That is just how she was.
So in the end, I guess I am crying because that amazing light that we could all see in her is now gone from us. There is nothing that makes me more homesick for my heavenly home than knowing that her light is now there.
I forgot what it felt like to lose someone this close. It has been awhile. It is hard to concentrate and I often find myself thinking of her. Thinking of her life and wondering what it is like for her now. I have been thinking about heaven a lot. I think about what it was like when she finally went home. First of all, if I know anything about God and heaven, and I think I do, I know there are Oreos and peppermints there. And I believe when she finally arrived, she was greeted by Jesus as if she was the only one there. I believe while all of her loved ones gathered around and waited, Jesus gave her the best hug she had ever been given. He took her face in His hands and told her how beautiful she was. And then as He led her into paradise, He told her how glad He was that she was home.

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4 Responses to “My Grandma”

  1. Angie,
    I couldn’t have said it better myself! Grandma will surely be missed.

  2. What a beautiful post. You’re such a wonderful person, Angi, and you write just the same.

  3. I’m so glad you blogged about this. I’m sorry you lost your grandma, you were lucky to have her in your life. I have no doubt she is in heaven with Jesus now! I love you!

  4. me too. i was just thinking about her yesterday, remembering how special she made me feel, as if I had made her day by dropping in, always stopping everything to “be” with me. i love her so and i share your sentiments. (we called the mints proton energy pills after some cartoon.)

    your words are beautiful, angi.

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