Angela Cochran’s Blog

So I had my monthly OB appointment yesterday and thought I would update everyone at one time.

Well
as you may or may not know I have turned crazy. I wonder if this is how
high maintenance people feel because I am usually calm and can’t
understand the things that I am doing. I sat down in the waiting room
and picked up a magazine. There was a lady waiting as well reading a
magazine. She was chewing gum! Before I was pregnant I hated gum
chewers now I detest and loathe gum chewers so much that I think of
ways to kill them without being caught.(poison their precious gum
maybe) In fact I hate all people who make mouth noise. People who smack
their lips while chewing gum or food are the worst. I want to throat
punch them in the middle of the mouth noise parade so hard that they
may never be able to eat again. Anyways…this lady had created a new
and improved mouth noise that I had never heard before. She would blow
a bubble in her mouth and the pop it. The mouth noise beat sounded like
this, “chew, chew, blow, pop”over and over again. I can’t describe how
horrible it was. It was so aggravating that I knew I needed to make a
move or explode in the waiting room. My head conversation sounded like
this,” Please God help me, make her stop, I might throw something at
her soon. Maybe I should be asked to be seated in the conference room.
Should I just say something to her? This incessant mouth noise will
never end. Help me block it out God.” The prayer became more frantic as
time went on. Someone walked in the door and she was distracted from
her need to annoy. There was peace for almost three minutes when all of
a sudden a child began to cry. She then realized she was not being
ridiculous enough so the onslaught of mouth noise continued. That was
it! I could not hold it in any longer. I slapped down my magazine and
snapped my head towards her just staring holes through her gum chewing
face. If I could have willed her head to blow up like her terrible
bubbles, I would have. She looked up at me as you do when you feel
someone staring at you and quickly looked back down as if  she fixed
the problem of me staring at her (most people will stop staring if
caught). But oh no, I was not going to stop staring until she spit out
her gum in defeat. I had committed myself to a stare down. She looked
back up with a look of terror on her face but I did not give in. I
didn’t care if I was terrorizing her. I am a gynocologist waiting room
terrorist. I think she was getting ready to pee her pants when the
nurse called my name to come back with her. A smile quickly resumed on
my face. By the way, my heart rate was 142/80 when I first got back to
the room. That is how much stress the mouth noise caused me. She had me
calm down for a minute and took it again…this time 120/80. Just so I
don’t get hate mail, she wasn’t pregnant.

The next step is to
get weighed in. I actually lost one pound from last month when I
thought I would have gained at least ten. When the doctor came in I
told her that the scales were off and in my crazy state laid back on
the table to show her my proof. It is harder to see when I am standing
but when I lay down there is something that resembles a bubble that
rises from below my boobs and falls into the lower part of my belly. I
will show you if you want to see. So I thought that I was just gaining
too much weight. Well I insisted on showing her my belly from a flat on
my back state and asked her how that could happen if I am not gaining
any weight. She reassured me that the scale was correct and that my
weight was just moving around…hence the funny looking body. Ok, well
that is good news right?

We went through the regular routine of
the check up and it was finally time to hear the heartbeat. She
squirted the gel on my belly and began to search for that baby. She
wasn’t finding it…which always terrifies me. She kept looking on the
lower part of my belly and then lower into the pelvic region and then
she started to travel up and up and up and didn’t find it until she had
the wand thingy right below my belly button. I mean it is really high
up there. This may be why I have developed a bubble on the upper part
of my belly. She found the heart beat but a lot like last time the baby
kept moving. I think it was doing somersaults. I would hear two or
three heartbeats and then she would have to track it down again.
Current mothers, is this an indication that my child will be
hyperactive? It sounds like this child is getting that gene from its
daddy. I asked the doctor if it was normal to move that much and she
kind of hem hawed about it. I think that she just didn’t want to scare
me. If this child is already that high up and moves that much, it won’t
be long before it is karate chopping me in the ribs.

So
everything seems to be going just fine.We will be having the ultrasound
next month with our appointment which will be exciting for me. We still
don’t want to know the sex but we will see if that changes between now
and next month. Oh and if any one in the Indy area hears of a woman
being traumatized in a waiting room, please apologize to her for me.

Filed under: I'm growing an alien on September 3rd, 2008